Do you want to change?
I was thinking about my journey in life when I was writing my first book, Hit Me With Your Best Shot, and I also think a lot about my current weight loss, financial and educations goals and I ask myself, do I really want to change?
That’s a loaded question because once I answer it means I need to decide why and how.
I go through stages in life with change.
Am I an all or nothing changer? Yeah, I am sometimes
- There are somethings in life where it’s all or nothing. My way or the highway, sort of speak.
- Maybe this is a way to have an excuse not to change, its living in rebellion. If it’s my way or the highway I make it difficult for people because I refuse to compromise and I guess in a way that protects me from getting hurt, although I think in the long run that’s exactly what will happen if this attitude doesn’t change.
- or is it that actually making the change will be hard and I don’t really know if I can make it?
Am I an emotional changer? Um… yes, I sure am sometimes.
- I have definitely made decisions in the past, based on emotions. I’ve changed my mind, my friendships, my jobs based on emotions.
- I have grown in my years of learning hard lessons. Because emotions can lead you in so many directions, being someone who changes based on emotions doesn’t seem stable. Sometimes it can come in handy when it’s something that is damaging you emotionally you need to make a change.
- My Personal example; I was in a domestic violent relationship for many years and I had a lot of fear in my life. The emotion of Fear drove me to stay when I was getting abused but fear also drove me to leave and change my circumstances. But in the end I had to contemplate my circumstances to help me make that change that I was so fearful of making.
I am currently also trying to be a habitual changer?
- Referring to my weight loss goal and the goal of writing my second book I need to make changes in my habits.
- Changing my addiction to sugar, that is in everything and easily accessible, and changing my addiction of netflixing till my eyes can’t stay open. I mean who can watch just one episode of Schitts creek or Orange Is The New Black!
- Now I am trying to change my eating and viewing habits. And I’ve read that it takes over 60 days to create a new habit, not 21 days like the “experts” lead us to believe. I just knew this was wrong because I would do something and stick to it for 21 days and then go right back to the same crap as if I didn’t do anything different. Ugh its super frustrating.
Ok so the question is still on the table….
- Do I really want to change?
- Do you really want to change?
- What are we going to do to change and keep the change?
- First thing is to identify that change is needed. If you don’t see it you can’t
change it. Don’t be super sensitive, ask someone you trust and love, if people
see something in you that needs to change and you can’t see it or accept it, it
probably means you really need to take a look at that thing and face it head on.
- An example for me is when my husband and I were going to marriage therapy and he told the therapist that I am really hard to talk to because I fly off the handle, well I got so pissed that I started yelling at him for saying it and as they were both looking at me it hit me in the chest that, that was exactly what he was talking about.
After what needs to be changed is identified, you need to envision how you are going to go about it. I had to take a hard look at me at that therapy session and change my behavior and attitude… it sucked to be wrong.
- Now we have identified the need for change, and
we envision how we are going to do
it. Now to actually do it is a different story.
- We need to prepare and strategize. Have a goal on how this will take place. What do we need and how much time do we need to make this happen.
- In my example I needed to take deep breaths when my husband told me something I didn’t like, count to 10 and put myself in his shoes to understand his point of view. It isn’t my way or no way, I needed to change before it destroyed my marriage.
- It’s scary because now that we have done all
this self-reflection, we need to take the steps and keep the momentum going.
- I had to have concrete steps. Going to counseling was one step, understanding was another, forgiveness was another and so on. None were overnight or easy but necessary to change my attitude and our lives together.
- Now after so many years we have a bond and a strong marriage that can’t be broken. He is no longer afraid of telling me anything and I have changed my attitude.
- Get up after Set-Backs;
- Yes ok… I still have some work to do but I am surely not the same person I used to be.
- Lots of things will come to attack you when you
are fighting to change.
- Self-doubt
- Fear
- Anger
- Worry
- Discomfort
- Frustration
- And some I can’t think of at the moment.
- It’s ok to go through all of these set-backs…. Hence the word Through!!!! You don’t stay stuck or complacent there you keep going until you see the change and break through.
- Now I have to make these same steps for all things in my life. My health/weight, my financial goals, my happiness etc.
- All of these steps will apply to all of those goal in life.
- Admit and Identify what needs to change
- Envision how you are going to do change
- Take the steps
- Keep the momentum going
- Don’t worry about set-backs, you will move forward if you keep going.
I hope this has been helpful!! We are here to challenge and transform your thinking!!!
Do you want to change?