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Fight Back Series: Week 2
Fight Back When the Enemy/Life Hits You Hard!
- Overcoming Shame
- The Power of Forgiveness
- Standing in your truth
- Letting Go so you can receive more
- Dream big
The second topic we will talk about in this series is: The Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness: to cease feeling resentment against (an offender)// to grant relief from payment of _________(a debt you feel is owed)
Forgiveness can be difficult. It takes super powers to forgive sometimes. See, in our day to day people will do or say things that will piss us off or offend us. The more we learn to forgive the easier it gets, rather than hold a grudge which can consume your life, the Bible teaches us to forgive those we are holding prisoner in our hearts and minds. Having an unforgiving heart leads to bitterness, anger, frustration, destruction and more. A heart that is un-forgiving and bitter cannot love as it ought to love.
- The Power of Forgiveness
Since I was a child I was suspicious and didn’t trust anyone. People who are supposed to love, you hurt you and that crap sucks. It isn’t easy to forgive. Sometimes forgiving feels too hard and undeserved because the offense was huge and lasting. And if I’m totally honest, I will admit to you that I wanted him to pay for what he did to me. “Why should I forgive and let him off the hook?” That’s not fair!
In my life, I have had many events since I was little from being molested, beaten, rejected and mistreated, you name it. I had been molested as a child and it took 30+ years to realize that the one in this prison was me. God was teaching me that holding on to unforgiveness hurts me, not them. My stick-it-to-them attitude really stick-it-to-me instead. I was the victim, me, me, me. And rather than live in the freedom God was trying to show me, I was living a life full of offence.
When you chose this victim thinking, you become miserable, and end up unproductive. It’s this kind of thinking, where you are like poor me, and look at me, look at what these people did to me, that steals your ability to have gratitude for the things in your life. It steals your deserved joy and hinders your ability to be the person God created you to be.
I had to listen when God asked me to forgive my step-father to be set free and I was not happy about it. So, after many years of trying to avoid it, I was having anxiety attacks, depression, anger issues and more and I needed to listen and forgive, even though I truly didn’t want to, I did it.
I went up to my step-father and said, you and I need to talk. He said, I know we do. I said, you have done some evil things to me, things that no one should do to a kid. I wonder if you even remember half of the things you did because you were always so drunk you probably don’t even know all of the abuse. Because of you and everything you’ve done to me, I have made bad decisions, and my life has been hard. I hated you for everything you have done to me. And you probably don’t even remember what you’ve done. He looks at me and says, I remember everything I’ve done to you and I hate myself for what I did.
I couldn’t believe he admitted it. I got really close to him, eye to eye, nose to nose, looked at him and with my teeth clenching together, said, I choose to forgive you; I choose to forgive you! The only reason I am here is because God wants me to forgive you. I choose to be obedient and forgive you; you will no longer have power over me! I take back everything you’ve taken from me. My eyes started tearing up, and he used his hands to wipe away my tears and said, I understand. And he grabbed and hugged me, and I hugged him back and, in that instant, all of my anger, rage, shame, bitterness, hate, fear, broke in the spirit. I literally felt a shift in my life that very moment.
I was holding on to this anger for dear life because he didn’t deserve to pass go and collect $200 or a get out of jail free card.
I knew because I was obedient, God, released me from the prison of what this man did to me. Because of that obedience I was able to write my book and find true healing in the process.
I have had to do these many times in my life. Some I had to do face to face and most I did by just releasing my anger and asking God to help me with forgiving them. I many times still felt anger and frustration but I learned that forgiveness is not a feeling but a choice.
Don’t expect that as soon as you say ok, I forgive them that you will be ok with being around that person or trusting them again. You most likely won’t.
I will say that I’ve also learned that forgiveness isn’t about the other person but completly about you. You will see a shift in your life and a clarity you didn’t see under the anger and frustration you had before. I believe that un-forgiveness is a gateway for other bad crap to happen and cause other things to offend you and reject things that could be good for you, but because you are seeing it through a cloudy perception you are not making a clear decision.
For example; I have a friend that said she doesn’t believe in women teachers. She thinks they are all fake and phonies. When I pressed further I realized she had been disappointed by a woman teacher in the past and because of that and still being offended and not forgiving, she is losing out on being taught some amazing things that maybe woman professors can teach her, but if she keeps this up she will never know. So, what happens when a male teacher disappoints her? Will she also not listen to them? Her options will get very narrow very quickly. Offense and un-forgiveness are a trap.
Chances are that as I talk about this topic you can recall a time when someone deeply angered or offended you through their careless actions or harsh words. Maybe you saw it coming but chose to ignore it, or maybe it absolutely blindsided you. Once this happens the last thing you want to do was offer forgiveness. And truth be told at this point it doesn’t matter to you weather it was intended or not, now your pissed or hurt. Well for me I get hurt, then pissed off, then hurt again.
Then not only do I get offended by them I also start blaming myself for allowing it to happen. Before I know it I’m on this horrible roller-coaster of emotions and angry with myself now as well.
How do we fight this thing:
- Here’s the thing. You need to stop telling yourself that if you forgive you are letting them get away with it or letting them or yourself off the hook. It isn’t that at all. You are just choosing not to let it consume you anymore, you want to get out of prison.
- You’re waiting for an apology? Wrong!! The way to overcome is to realize that you are ok if they never say sorry. You chose to release them anyway. What they do or don’t do isn’t your concern. Don’t trap yourself by waiting for others to realize their errors. BIG MISTAKE!
- You won’t suddenly get amnesia when you chose to forgive. It may still hurt when you think about it, that’s normal. But you don’t live in that hurt and have that hurt dictate how you live your life. It’s just an indicator that you will be more careful moving forward.
- Choose life! Choose to live life as fully as you can. You need to forgive because you need to live. When you choose not to its like digging up a corpse and trying to revive it when it has no life in it. it’s futile. And lonely.